Capturing the Sun: Dealing with Grief

Me and My Grandma
Me and My Grandma

Thoughts jumbled. Time passing. No more tears. The echoes of you saying “Grandson walk with purpose. They will listen because you are a Great man of God.” Failure not an option. You keep driving me and I am grateful. I never thought that I would be here but I am and you are here with me. Time passing. I miss you. There will never be a day that passes that I don’t think of you. You are a great woman. Full of anointing and smiles that dim the brightest of stars. You are with me always.

How do we grieve? Some do it by locking themselves in a room, drowning themselves in tears and sorrow never coming up for air, suffocated by the turmoil of loss. Some find themselves trying to ignore the fact that a loss has occurred, moving on with their lives as if nothing has happened. Some bury themselves in their work to offset the pain that they feel inside in an attempt not to acknowledge the strong emotions that are ever so present in their hearts. So how do you grieve? How do I grieve?

Webster’s Dictionary defines grief as deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement or deep sadness especially for the loss of someone or something loved. My question is why does grief have to be a negative emotion? As many of you know I lost my grandmother not too long ago and I have been asking myself why am I not grieving in the traditional sense of the word? Why am I not sorrowful? Did I not love my grandmother as much as I thought? Then it hit me talking to my wife one night that I am grieving in my own way. I am embracing the idea that I am grieving with moving forward. I grieve by celebrating her life with living mine with every fiber of my being attempting to be up right in the eyes of God as she and my mother have taught me. I grieve by not grieving. By fulfilling all that she spoke over my life. I grieve with a smile on my face because I know that she smiles on me. There will never be a time that I don’t miss her but, I choose to celebrate her by living and breathing life into others as she did. I do this with my music. This is why it is only fitting that the concept of “Capture the Sun” was inspired and dedicated to her. She is breathing for me when I am out of breath. She is interceding for me when I have no where to turn. She is Still here.

I have come to realize that how we deal with grief is a choice. We can choose to be sad and stagnate due to the loss of a loved one or we can be energized by the fact that they are not gone. They are here with us always because they implanted life inside of us. As I breathe she continues to do so. So if anyone out there can hear me that have lost someone close to them, understand that they are not gone. If they ever gave you advice that you live by or prayed over you life for your well being and prosperity then they are still there with you and always will be. And they will continue to live beyond your years if you impart something they gave you to some one else and so on and so on…

No matter your spiritual beliefs there is life after death for those who imparted parts of their lives into others. Their ideas and purpose still live on in our minds hearts and actions. So remember to make the choice to live in their memories. Live in their words. Live in the lessons that they taught you and they will never die. So how do you grieve? It’s up to you.

One thought on “Capturing the Sun: Dealing with Grief”

  1. Jawhar..its so true. I love you for your ministry in music. You are so talented and always comes up with something to say that is just. I don’t have to tell you that your grandmother loved you unconditionally and always had your back..as you say “interceding on your behalf”.

    Love you,

    Your auntie Dar

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