The Burden of Trust…Part one

trust 2With a sincere smile plastered across my face and a firm handshake given at first hello strangers are greeted. You can see the care in my eyes when we first cross paths as if we are long lost family members in each others presence for the first time. There is a genuine love for the human experience present when I encounter someone new. A blind trust drips from my speech in a way that some call naive, but I believe at their core all people are decent and that seems to be my down fall. I jump into that belief with both feet without the security of a parachute and no fear of the fall that may occur. I just see all people as good, taking no stock in the bridges I have had to burn in the past. There is something to be said about my undying faith in a human being as they are. I know that we are not perfect. I know that everyone does not have my best interest at heart, but I stand on the unshakeable encouragement that we have a concrete care for one another; that we all want to see each other succeed in life in some way. Even in the eyes of utter disdain I try to find a silver lining. I try my best to see the glass half full to a fault, so much so that I seem to get taken advantage of. My trust in the word of human beings is seen as a weakness, as an open door for exploitation for which I have no one to blame but myself.

I guess it’s because I actually believe in the mantra “treat people how you want to be treated” too much. I want to be seen as credible because I deserve to be; because I actually am. I am a loyal person that loves unconditionally and with my whole heart. I know that there are flaws in human beings because I have many myself, but I don’t interact with people based on the assumption that they are flawed. I don’t look for the short comings of those that come in contact with. I take you how you are and I give you the benefit of the doubt, but to what end? How many times must I watch people cast their honor in to the sea before I start to question the motive of any and everyone? With the amount of broken promises and empty words that I have encountered in my life it is a wonder that I am not more cynical when it comes to my dealings with people. It is amazing that I don’t give everyone the side eye when they say what they can and will do. I’m just not built like that. I am built to forgive and have faith. I am built to hope and dream that a better tomorrow is on the horizon for us all and I will do all that is in my power to help you get there. I have always thought in the terms of “We” not “I” and that is my Achilles heal. That is what has held me back in some respects.

trust1Many of you are aware and many of you are not of the departing of Manifest from Weightless who was on third of the original group greenhouse effect. Manifest was a part of our movement from the beginning. He was a integral part in the building of the brand of Weightless recordings. Over the years from the inception of our label we developed a brotherhood that we believed to be unshakable and uncompromising. To make a long story short, it was discovered that he was stealing from the company. He basically disregarded all that we had worked for to a point that the faith that we had in each other as a unit was tested. This unbridled betrayal created a rift between all of us that has since been repaired between Blueprint and I, but how we deal with people outside of our immediate core has been forever altered. This among other things has shaken my faith.

I am starting to look at the world with open eyes, but a somewhat closed heart and I hate it because it goes against my nature. This is due to there being only so much abuse one can take. There is only so much love you can give without reciprocation. You can only be so true for so long while being stepped on or overlooked. At some point something has to change. At some point the gate has to be closed where only those with the secret password can enter because lately I have had to burn too many bridges. I have had to become something that I have always despised, a skeptic.

I am lucky to have the people around me that I do. My inner circle it one of strength and support. I have a loving Wife and family that nurture my hope in human beings, but confront me with the question of how long? How long will you give credence to those undeserving? How long will you allow your heart to broken by the revelation that people are not all rainbows and cotton balls? The answer is no more. No more will I just take you at your word. I have to guard my hope in people in order to not become a shadow of myself.  I have to put up walls around my love so it is not completely invaded by the tragic misleadings of a society that only values the progression of self. I have discovered that it is one thing to have general faith in random humans, but it another to have faith in them implicitly. I am still a firm believer that at our core we are all good, but in reality our quest for greatness can get in the way of that goodness. Our want and need to progress can be a hindrance to our basic nature of love. I pray that my children are not turned off to love. I hope that my children do not become hardened to the human experience. Desensitization has become a disease in our society that allows us have no emotional attachment to how the choices we make affects others. I know that there is a general positive energy that is strong in the world and I still believe that it can be harnessed and change that fabric of our existence. I want to again be that fully faithful swan diver with no parachute again, but it’s hard when the winds continue the whip and whirl me in the opposite direction.

So what side of the coin are you on?  Are you a person that strengthens the resolve of the village or do you hold a book of matches in hand waiting to set fire to the structure of an open heart? Do you hold the progression of all in high regard or is the advancement of self you primary goal? We can all believe again. We can all rise as one, but we have to put “I” aside sometimes. Not all of the time, but sometimes. “I’ has it’s place but, there cannot always be a search for backs to step on. There has to be a sincere want to one day be the boost that catapults someone else to their goals. I take pride in the surety that there will be a revolution of selflessness, but I realize that there is still a long way to go.

6 thoughts on “The Burden of Trust…Part one”

  1. Ayo illogic man , what you have is truely something great and distinctive , it is really powerful , and on higher level , your perception and understanding is nourishment and deserves credit , I truely have something beyond respect for your artistic work and you as a person . . Peace

  2. Balance man…thats what its about. I guess i am at the exact opposite end of the spectrum. I do believe that people are good at their core, but i trust no one. Never have, ever since i was a child. I don’t hold any matches though. The I was chosen not because its the most important thing, but because the we was too scary. I am thinking the same thoughts but the other way around. Moving in the opposite direction, but towards the same goal. Hopefully there is a golden middle ground somewhere where things make sense for all of us.

    1. I feel you Jonas. my wife is the same way. She trust no one and shes trying to find that balance As am I. Keep pushing because if you truly want it it’s there.

  3. Well put Jawhar, I’d like to think that i’m on the same page with a lot of what you said, especially; “There has to be a sincere want to one day be the boost that catapults someone else to their goals”. This is where “I” can be and i believe (is) ultimately the most meaningful and fulfilling is when it is in support of “We”. Because i know for me, i really don’t want to do anything if it can’t in some way inspire others to see the fact that any one of us existing the way we do is an opportunity to realize beauty and pass it along in some way shape or form. It’s not like we all have to go so far out of our way to be an influence, ’cause no matter how subtle or grandiose it all has some kind of influence but to really just be sure that what we do or how we perceive anything is in allignment with what we positively envison for ourselves individually so that it can flow a bit more honestly and freely collectively…hopefully, and without too much forceful manipulation. I just know that personally, for example with music specifically there are innumerable people that have been enormous and helpful inspirations to me on my journey, like Micheal Larsen, Chris Keller, and yourself just to name a few. Anyway thank you for posting this article it really resonated strongly within me to share, looking forward to part 2. Peace…

    1. Thanks for reading Kyle. I completely agree. the ultimate boost for us as humans have to be the satisfaction of helping one another.

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