Why Do We Fall in Love with Hip Hop (culture)?

I love hip hop    We are all drawn to hip hop for different reasons. For some of us its a home, a shelter or place of comfort. For others it the attraction of having a good time with no strings or judgement. For me it was an escape from my life in times of despair and desperation as well as an area when I was accepted no matter what. Most of the friends that I have made in and because of hip hop are just as screwed up as I am if not more, but that’s okay. Hip hop doesn’t judge us. Hip hop doesn’t ask anything from us that we do not have the means to provide. Hip Hop is a “come as you are” mantra. Hip Hop is our rocking roll. This is why we fall in love with it because hip hop  allows us a freedom that in many of us has been suppressed, if not by our environment (home, neighborhood, church) then by ourselves for fear of what people will say or how we will be looked at if that part of us is revealed. Of course there has been a obvious perversion of our culture that is present to the main stream global community, but that doesn’t take away from its foundation. That perversion doesn’t taint or belittle our love.

This post was inspired by a friend of mine who sent me an email a week or so ago with his epiphany as to why he became part of the culture. Here is what He sent me:

Growing up I definitely loved hip hop, but really did not know why.  I loved nearly everything about it.  I studied it more intense throughout High School and at the age of 18 began to participate in hip hop.  I knew that I wanted to participate in it, and that it is a participation sport.  The only requirement was being yourself.

Now at the the age of 35, KRS 1 helped me now understand why I even liked it in the first place.  It is a deep complex industry now that has transformed multiple times and has had multiple movements in the last 50 years.  Kool Herc adopted a style of deejaying in Jamaica that he brought with him when his family moved to NYC in 1967. He loved the way the deejay interacted with the crowd in Jamaica, and their spin back technique of restarting the record among other things.  No one was going to tell him it was the wrong way to do things in the Bronx because it was his way.  And he liked his way.  Blend one break right into the next, fuck the rest of the song.

Owning your Identity seems like a fairly simple thing to do.  When you DO own your identity, no one or thing can tell you what to do.  Again, this is why I loved hip hop.  No one could tell hip hop what say or what to do.  Now as an adult it is clear as day, that this truly what I loved about hip hop.  You could be yourself, and not only that, it is a requirement to be yourself.

In Middle School (arguably the roughest time in a kids life) kids are flat out mean.  In this age range we see conformity taking shape.  Those who follow to so because they’re scared and don’t understand that they’ve just given up their identity in order to feel safer.  The day I became a man was in the 7th grade. This was the time that I decided no one was going to clown me for ANYTHING.  I was going to own it all, the good along with the bad.  Yes, I have zits.  Yes, I like hip hop (even though I don’t know why) and yes, I masturbate a good deal because it’s new to me and girls won’t sleep with me yet (wait till summer next year lol).  I owned everything.  Dress and style were only as hard as what I liked.  Throw out the rest.  (Just give me the breaks Herc).   My music, My art, My education (fuck yes I get 3.5 so what?), my Mathematics, are all cool.  No matter what, because I AM ALLOWED TO HAVE A FUCKING OPINION.

And so do you.

Be yourself.

Love, Bobby

hip hop

We all have our own experiences and reasons for being part of hip hop whether as a fan or and artist or combination of both.

What made you fall in love with hip hop?

Get your priorities right…

priorities 1

     I know I have been absent from writing for a while and its not because I haven’t had anything to say (or had no site at the time). If you read this post completely you will understand.

     My last post was back in February and I asked the question “where are the visionaries?” It wasn’t until a few months later upon rereading that post and going through some personal things,  I realized that I wasn’t as much of a visionary as I thought because my life was out of wack. I was too lost in today and not planning for tomorrow. I could only see to the end of my nose and anything beyond that was of no consequence and I had no idea.

     I have been working on and releasing a lot of music as of late and in that I was caught up to the point that that’s all that I was doing. I was hit by an epiphany a few days ago, that’s all I have been doing for months maybe even the last year or so. I wasn’t finishing my book. I wasn’t working on my performance. I should have been on the road. I was loosing sight of my children’s behavior and progress (or lack thereof) in school.  I was neglecting and taking my wife for granted. Most important of all my spiritual existence was completely an afterthought. My relationship with my creator faded in to the background of me writing and recoding songs. Really Jawhar? (I talk to my self out loud at times) I wasn’t doing any of the things that had got me to the point of my life where I felt like I was happy. I was losing myself in my art and my person was suffering for it. Unfortunately and fortunately it took me a year or so to realize it but, once I did it smacked me in the face with a force that stopped me in my tracks like a dear in headlights.

priorities 3

     As I looked at where I was in my life i saw an absolute mess. Figuratively and literally. My studio was a wreck. My career had lost steam since Capture the Sum dropped. My relationship with my children was not where it was supposed to. I was losing my wife. I had blinders on just going through the motions acting like everything was OK. And it wasn’t. It was the farthest thing from it. So I came to the conclusion that my priorities were disheveled so that I didn’t recognize myself once I took the time to actually look. I was utterly lost.

     I am of the belief that as the head of this family if my priorities are off then that disrupts the flow and serenity of the entire household. Once I became aware of this it was almost too late, but I believe that this was revealed to me when it was supposed to.

     So I say all of that to say this…I have still been writing and recording, but a resent talk with Blueprint has gotten me to be more attentive to and focused on the longevity of my career and most importantly my family’s needs. I am working on rebuilding closeness and intimacy with my wife. I am more active in my children’s lives as far as knowing what they need and above all I am rebuilding my relationship with my creator and that is where it all has to begin. I know that without my spirit being in line and allowed to grow I will continue to be lost. All that we have on this earth is a gift and if you lose sight of the gift giver then you won’t appreciate what you have nor will you have an understanding of how to feed and develop your gift for it to reach its full potential. So I will start to share more as I am on this new exciting journey of growth and maturity. Please get your priorities in order or you will end up losing or getting lost in the very purpose that your think your are working for.

The Burden of Trust…Part one

trust 2With a sincere smile plastered across my face and a firm handshake given at first hello strangers are greeted. You can see the care in my eyes when we first cross paths as if we are long lost family members in each others presence for the first time. There is a genuine love for the human experience present when I encounter someone new. A blind trust drips from my speech in a way that some call naive, but I believe at their core all people are decent and that seems to be my down fall. I jump into that belief with both feet without the security of a parachute and no fear of the fall that may occur. I just see all people as good, taking no stock in the bridges I have had to burn in the past. There is something to be said about my undying faith in a human being as they are. I know that we are not perfect. I know that everyone does not have my best interest at heart, but I stand on the unshakeable encouragement that we have a concrete care for one another; that we all want to see each other succeed in life in some way. Even in the eyes of utter disdain I try to find a silver lining. I try my best to see the glass half full to a fault, so much so that I seem to get taken advantage of. My trust in the word of human beings is seen as a weakness, as an open door for exploitation for which I have no one to blame but myself.

I guess it’s because I actually believe in the mantra “treat people how you want to be treated” too much. I want to be seen as credible because I deserve to be; because I actually am. I am a loyal person that loves unconditionally and with my whole heart. I know that there are flaws in human beings because I have many myself, but I don’t interact with people based on the assumption that they are flawed. I don’t look for the short comings of those that come in contact with. I take you how you are and I give you the benefit of the doubt, but to what end? How many times must I watch people cast their honor in to the sea before I start to question the motive of any and everyone? With the amount of broken promises and empty words that I have encountered in my life it is a wonder that I am not more cynical when it comes to my dealings with people. It is amazing that I don’t give everyone the side eye when they say what they can and will do. I’m just not built like that. I am built to forgive and have faith. I am built to hope and dream that a better tomorrow is on the horizon for us all and I will do all that is in my power to help you get there. I have always thought in the terms of “We” not “I” and that is my Achilles heal. That is what has held me back in some respects.

trust1Many of you are aware and many of you are not of the departing of Manifest from Weightless who was on third of the original group greenhouse effect. Manifest was a part of our movement from the beginning. He was a integral part in the building of the brand of Weightless recordings. Over the years from the inception of our label we developed a brotherhood that we believed to be unshakable and uncompromising. To make a long story short, it was discovered that he was stealing from the company. He basically disregarded all that we had worked for to a point that the faith that we had in each other as a unit was tested. This unbridled betrayal created a rift between all of us that has since been repaired between Blueprint and I, but how we deal with people outside of our immediate core has been forever altered. This among other things has shaken my faith.

I am starting to look at the world with open eyes, but a somewhat closed heart and I hate it because it goes against my nature. This is due to there being only so much abuse one can take. There is only so much love you can give without reciprocation. You can only be so true for so long while being stepped on or overlooked. At some point something has to change. At some point the gate has to be closed where only those with the secret password can enter because lately I have had to burn too many bridges. I have had to become something that I have always despised, a skeptic.

I am lucky to have the people around me that I do. My inner circle it one of strength and support. I have a loving Wife and family that nurture my hope in human beings, but confront me with the question of how long? How long will you give credence to those undeserving? How long will you allow your heart to broken by the revelation that people are not all rainbows and cotton balls? The answer is no more. No more will I just take you at your word. I have to guard my hope in people in order to not become a shadow of myself.  I have to put up walls around my love so it is not completely invaded by the tragic misleadings of a society that only values the progression of self. I have discovered that it is one thing to have general faith in random humans, but it another to have faith in them implicitly. I am still a firm believer that at our core we are all good, but in reality our quest for greatness can get in the way of that goodness. Our want and need to progress can be a hindrance to our basic nature of love. I pray that my children are not turned off to love. I hope that my children do not become hardened to the human experience. Desensitization has become a disease in our society that allows us have no emotional attachment to how the choices we make affects others. I know that there is a general positive energy that is strong in the world and I still believe that it can be harnessed and change that fabric of our existence. I want to again be that fully faithful swan diver with no parachute again, but it’s hard when the winds continue the whip and whirl me in the opposite direction.

So what side of the coin are you on?  Are you a person that strengthens the resolve of the village or do you hold a book of matches in hand waiting to set fire to the structure of an open heart? Do you hold the progression of all in high regard or is the advancement of self you primary goal? We can all believe again. We can all rise as one, but we have to put “I” aside sometimes. Not all of the time, but sometimes. “I’ has it’s place but, there cannot always be a search for backs to step on. There has to be a sincere want to one day be the boost that catapults someone else to their goals. I take pride in the surety that there will be a revolution of selflessness, but I realize that there is still a long way to go.

Become a Master of Something…

Bruce-Lee

Mastery

  • n.noun
    1. Possession of consummate skill.
    2. The status of master or ruler; control.
    3. Full command of a subject of study.

My oldest son has an affinity for the study of sports video games. Any time he picks up the play station controller he wants to be the best. He wants to be the ruler of the domain of Madden 25, for example, to the point that whenever he gets a chance he practices. He won’t play actual games, but he works on the practice simulation and when he does play he wants to play against the best players that he can to measure where he is in his ability to manipulate the joy stick to do his bidding so he comes out victorious. He doesn’t always win so when he loses, again I see him practicing, working on his game until he reaches his goal. When it comes to his school as well work there are times when he falls short as all of us do, I see a drive in him to not settle for the mediocre. No matter what he does in life I see that he will not settle until he is at the pinnacle of what he is trying to achieve no matter how long it takes. He wants to be the best. He does this in every aspect of his life I have noticed as treks toward perfection in all that he attempts. His journey has not been and will not always be smooth. I have been there to see the barricades, road blocks and short comings, but he has an unwavering faith in the possibility of his ability to achieve.Knowing this, when I see that he is stifled he brushes himself off and continues on his quest to victory.

I admire him because as adults, we have a tendency to place limits on ourselves that we pass on to our children as an infectious disease. Many times we infect them inadvertently because many of us have the “do as I say and not as I do” way of teaching. We as adults often settle because we feel that we have no other recourse. We feel that our time has passed so continuing to press toward a dream is of no consequence when we have a mortgage to pay or an electric bill due. Of course that is reality, but we cannot lose our drive to become proficient in something or many things in our lives. His drive is feeding me. As his father it is my job to nurture his ongoing internal engine and I cannot achieve this if I am not staving to be a master in my own right.

In order to become a master of anything there has to be a realized passion present. No one can become a virtuoso in a field or practice that they are not passionate about it. You can’t even begin the journey if there isn’t at least an inkling of interest. There must be an overall presence of conviction that seeps from your pours to the point that it is etched into the fabric of who you are. This conviction is not always present in the initial stages of development, but as one drives closer to the goal of mastery a passion can develop. Live in the moment and define it. Allow your presence to saturate all that is around you and allow all that is around you to saturate you because in order to become a master one has to first be a student. There in lies our issue. No one wants to be a student any more. Everyone wants to start out as a Master, but a master that refuses instruction is as a flower that refuses pollen.

Many people walk through life thinking that they are already adept in all that they do, but in reality they haven’t buckled down to really learn anything. I mean really learn. When my son gets a new video game he studies it. He hunkers down in his room and for the time allotted to him to play he studies and practices. He jumps in with both feet. This is what we have to do as people. We have to find what we want to gain expertise in and dive in full bodied. Remove all distraction and learn. Devise a plan that will allow you the place and time to learn and become a master.

Mastery takes patience. One does not gain full comprehension of anything overnight. Albert Einstein said, “Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.” There is a fear that exists in us that is stifling, preventing the giving all of ourselves to something. That fear has to die. Recently, I read a piece by my friend Al Shepard, many of you know him as Blueprint, called Fear Comes in Many Disguises. In it he says,

 Fear is a natural human response (to) unknown outcomes. As we take these situations  into consideration, our minds make sure we have assessed the possible outcomes.  This is human nature and a mostly positive survival instinct.  However, there is a point where fear in our current context is given too much power.  That happens when we begin to fear the possible negative outcomes more than the potential gains.  Even worse, we begin to take on a dialog that hides these fears as something other than what they really are.

This struck a chord with me because fear can be why we don’t make an attempt to become proficient in anything. There is the fear of failure. There is the fear of inadequacy. There is also, weirdly enough, the fear of success. I have suffered and still do suffer from this fear at different points in my life and that fear has held me back from becoming the master that I am supposed to be in certain things, but seeing my son push and practice that game reminds me that the journey is long, tiring and at times repetitive, but as long as the passion is alive in me the voyage is never over.

We live in a microwave society that does not value mastery. In reality, society does not value much at all. Everywhere is a factory the spits out as many robots as possible with minimal skill in the craft that they were constructed for. From reality television to college campuses this world has become an assembly line for the construction of mediocre pods of empty ability and only a yearn to be scene for the succubus’ of the world to feed off of until they are used up. Then there is movement to the next pod. So how long will you allow the world to feed off of you? When will you make the decision to become something bigger that just another human. Being. We are destined for more than that. We just have to make a point to want to be. So this year, take a note out of my son’s book and work to become a master of something. Don’t just be a “jack of all trades.” Don’t just be content in knowing enough to get by. Buckle down and work toward perfecting a passion. Become what you were always meant to become; A master.

 

Journal Entry 7/30/13: The Road. The Sacrifice.

IMAG0020Don’t get me wrong, I love being out here traveling the country rocking the stage for the fans and getting to meet them, putting some faces with names. Getting paid to do something I love is an absolute plus. Even getting a little time to my self away from the everyday pressures of life even for a moment is cathartic in a sense, But the road can be a lonely place. I love the time that I get to bond with my brothers out here facing and overcoming adversity and/or having those special moments where we have the perfect night. The sound is perfect. The openers or dope. A healthy crowd is there to have fun with us. Merch is moving from the table and we kill our sets.There is nothing like that feeling when your out on the road.

But for me as a family man there is a lot that I sacrifice to be out here. For me it is a catch 22. On one hand being on the road is something that I have missed for the past few years that I haven’t been out. This is the best job in the world and I wouldn’t want to trade it for any other job. I feel like I am out here fulfilling purpose. I have always thought that this is what I am called to do and to be out here doing it, planting seeds with the gift that God has given me is an amazing feeling.

On the other hand I miss my family. All of the little things that annoy me when I am 20130406_172630home I miss. How Ironic. I miss my children waking me at 8 in the morning asking to play video games. I miss hearing them bicker over nothing just as brothers do. I miss there individualness shining through them with a blinding hue…I miss my boys immensely.

I miss my wife terribly. I miss here morning attitude cause she hates mornings, especially if she has to go to work. I miss her smile. I miss seeing here talk to me. I miss here touch. I miss her little quirks that annoy me, most of which I can’t mention with out suffering her wrath when I get home. I miss her warmth. I just miss her.

Many fans don’t know and maybe some do, but as artist, especially those with families sacrifice much to be out here with you. Some of us have families that we leave to come and spend time with you because we love you as well. We appreciate you loving us and supporting us and what we love, so our way of showing it is to continue to put out music that we hope you will love and come and see you a few times a year. In that we leave 20130726_234247much of what makes up the artist that you support behind. Without our families we would not be the people that we are. Without or families some of us would not have the drive to be the very best at what we do and we leave all of the love and all of the comfort of our domestic family to be with our musical family. Though there is love and admiration out here on the road it is not the same. Many of my friends that are artist have children and wife’s that they leave to come and play for you and take pictures with you love it. But never discount the sacrifice that that person is making to take that picture and perform your favorite song. In 2004 I missed the birth of my youngest son. I was on the road and he was about a month old the first time I saw him. This is what prompted my 5 year hiatus and had me close to retiring, but I am an artist. I can not walk away from purpose like that. I am learning to balance the passion for my family with the passion of my music. It is a constant struggle but to see the looks on the fans when we have a show in their city or seeing the look on my wife’s and children’s faces when I finally come home makes it all worth it.

Tour Journal: 7/19/13 Leave a web of legacy

spider

The first night of the Greenhouse “Bend but don’t break” tour is officially behind us. Last night we played at the V-Club in Huntington,  West Virginia. For me it was my second time playing there and I believe it was Blueprints second time as well. We had two opening acts Couch Life (probably one of the best crew names ever. Only in West Virginia) and the WV staple crew Dinosaur Burps.  I know what your thinking “where do they come up with these names?” But don’t let the Dinosaur Burps name fool you. Emcee B-Rude and Dj Squeazle are one of the best kept secrets in hip hop in my opinion. Funny, witty and just plain dope. You can catch me featured on a song called “Spice Melange” for their next album which for now is untitled I believe with no official release date. Check out the Video below and their bandcamp to support.

 

Anyways the show was a good time. The small but energetic crowd heavily supported the merch table which means we did our job.

For me the illest part of the night for me was when I went outside to snap a few pics and I saw a spider weaving its web. I watched it almost from beginning to end.  I had only seen that on animal planet or some random nature shows but but never in real life. Live. It was an amazing thing to see. Though I hate spiders I had never seen anything like it and I was instantly captivated. It made me think about how as a father, husband, man and artist I and working to leave a web legacy.  A legacy that I hope is worth something to my family and others who support me to get caught up in so-to-say like the spider web. It takes some time for the spider to find a place where it wants to put that anchor down and leave their mark but once they make up in their minds to do it they go all in. This is what I believe that I have been doing in my life in all aspects as of late,  weaving a web of legacy that is worth being embraced and getting caught up in. Too many times we as human beings focus to much on today and we don’t think about what we will be remembered for tomorrow.  We don’t think about what we will leave those that will follow us in this world and it shows in how we entertain our children.  It shows in the popular music and violent movies that we feed them and ourselves. It shows and its sad. Lets wake up and think about tomorrow.  Lets think about what we are going to leave the next generation and if they will be proud of what we leave them.

I left my family yesterday for this tour, which is the hardest thing for us as artists to do when your family is filled with love as mine is,  in order to strengthen the legacy that am going to leave behind. I’m out here weaving a web for my children to see tomorrow. For them to get caught in by choice. I know that I am called to be great as my grandmother mother would tell me as are my seed. I just have to make sure that I leave them something great to build on. Something that they can be proud of. What will you leave those that will follow you?

Well that’s it for this first entry. I hope you guys get something from it. Feel free to leave a comment with any questions or to further the discussion.

Tonight Louisville, Ky. See you soon….

Fri. July 19th – Louisville, KY @ The Phoenix Hill Tavern | http://on.fb.me/10m5Tc0

Sat. July 20th – Birmingham, AL @ The Bottletree | http://on.fb.me/12lrHVD

Sun. July 21st – Chapel Hill, NC @ Local 506 | http://on.fb.me/10m5W7C

Weds July 24th – Atlanta, GA @ The Drunken Unicorn | http://on.fb.me/14yg5xz

Thur. July 25th – Charlotte, NC @ The Neighborhood Theater | http://on.fb.me/19vqWyV

Fri. July 26th – Asheville, NC @ Timos’ House | http://on.fb.me/17hS0NL

Sat. July 27th – Johnson City,TN @ Mecca Lounge | http://on.fb.me/1aOWspP

Weds. July 31st – Dallas, TX @ Crown and Garp

Thurs Aug 1st – Austin, TX @ ND Austin | http://on.fb.me/14yggsA

Friday Aug 2nd – Houston, TX @ Warehouse Live / Greenroom

Sat. Aug 3rd – San Antonio, TX @ The Limelight | http://on.fb.me/10WINv0

Sun. Aug 4th – El Paso, TX @ Tricky Falls w/ Souls of Mischief | http://on.fb.me/14YvgCr

Mon. Aug 5th – Santa Fe, NM @ The Lodge at Santa Fe Cabaret | http://on.fb.me/15HguwJ

Tue. AugFri. 6th – Las Vegas, NV @ LVCS | http://on.fb.me/11Ou9RH

Thur. Aug 8th – Flagstaff, AZ @ Green Room | http://on.fb.me/15HgD3k

Fri. Aug 9th- Los Angeles, CA @ The Airliner | http://on.fb.me/16AsWkb

Sat. Aug 10th – Oakland,CA @ The Legionnaire Saloon | http://on.fb.me/1cobaC4

Mon. Aug 12th – Boise, ID @ The Shredder | http://on.fb.me/1aOWSwm

Tue. Aug 13th – Spokane,WA @ Carr’s Corner | http://on.fb.me/10WJcgY

Wed. Aug 14th – Missoula, MT @ Stage 112 | http://on.fb.me/15HgSeE

Thur. Aug 15th – Salt Lake City, UT @ The Project | http://on.fb.me/10m6sSW

Fri. Aug 16th Ketchum,ID @ Whiskey Jacques | http://on.fb.me/14uzjDO

Sat. Aug 17th – Bozeman,MT @ Zebra Cocktail Lounge | http://on.fb.me/11OupQz

Sun. Aug 18th – Great Falls, MT @ Machinery Row | http://on.fb.me/1aOX9zj

Tues. Aug 20th – Fargo, ND @ The Aquarium | http://on.fb.me/12DT0Xb

Wed. Aug 21st – Sioux Falls, SD @ Billy Frogs | http://on.fb.me/121rZNl

Thur. Aug 22nd – Duluth,MN @ Red Star | http://on.fb.me/10m6CK5

Fri. Aug 23rd – Green Bay,WI @ JD’s Bar | http://on.fb.me/19vs4T1

Sat. Aug 24th – Minneapolis,MN @ Pour House | http://on.fb.me/10WJCUo

Mon Aug 26th – Grand Rapids, MI @ Pyramid Scheme | http://on.fb.me/1aOXhyV

Weds. Aug 28th – Boston, MA @ Middle East Upstairs

Friday Aug 30th – Pittsburgh, PA @ Thunderbird Cafe

Sat. Aug 31st – Buffalo,NY @ Duke’s Bohemian Grove Bar | http://on.fb.me/10m6L03

Sun Sept 1st – Erie, PA @ Crooked I

Dealing with Depression


Shrouded in a sea of darkness. Clothed in absolute incompletion. Your reflection reveals disgust. Swimming in an abyss of “I am nothing” or “no one cares”. Failure seems the only option. Tomorrow is the worst thought one can muster. Fully immersed in doubt. Happiness is a mirage in a desert of pain, unattainable for unknown reasons. You smile in an attempt to hide the gloom you wake to every morning. This is depression.

Here is an excerpt from an email I received a few weeks ago: “I relate to your ideas and outlooks too well from time to time and I suppose my question for you is how do I handle this depression? I’ve felt miserable for as long as i could compose the thought of genuine unhappiness. I don’t talk to anyone….I guess this isn’t really a question I’m just seeking advice…”

So how do we deal with these feelings that have been embedded in us for as long as we can remember? I speak from experience when I say that the escape from depressions grasp is a choice and it is a choice that only you can make. Once the choice is made it has to be reaffirmed daily.  Many of us can fall on our past as a cushioned excuse to remain in that state of ever evolving reasons to fail and to not be good enough but, at some point you have to say “ENOUGH!!!”. Personally I have the prime background for a life of depression. I was raised with no relationship with my natural father and when there was an attempt at a relationship I was continuously rejected, teased by classmates growing up to no end, inappropriately touched by a family friend when I was about ten, etc. The List can go on and on…I have felt that there was no place for me on this earth and that no on would miss me if I was gone. I felt that God has just forgotten about me. I was drowning until one night I was in College walking home from a friend’s house in the rain ready to take my own life. Something told me to stop and look at my reflection in a large rain puddle at my feet. I must have stared at my self for about an hour balling.  It was like the rain drops were equivalent to my tears. And then I believe God spoke to me and asked my why I felt like I was nothing when he made me so Special and this was my response…. [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEe_WPbkDNo]

After writing this I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders. Not that my depression was completely cured but, I could see it clearly now. I believe that God revealed to me my feelings and gave me the choice to change them.  This revelation was given to me in song so that others will know that they are not alone. Many times when drowning in depression you feel that no one understands what you are going though. You feel like you are the only one with these feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing but, I was given a gift to express to many that they are not the only ones.  It has and still is a process but, I choose to be happy. You have to wake up every morning and tell your self that you choose to be happy and not depressed. You choose to live a life of peace and not one of chaos. You have to choose your surroundings to be ones of edification and not turmoil. If you are surrounded with positive energy then you will be more likely to internalize that energy and then emit that energy. Proverbs 23:7 says “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he”.  You must modify your internal dialog to match the desire that is in your heart to be happy and at peace. In doing so those desires are what your life will reflect. 
If you make up in your heart that you want to change and you put in the work and have the faith that you will then you will but, the first step is to make that choice to do so. I hope this helps…

P.s. Here are a few other songs I wrote dealing with the Subject of depression and choices…. 
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJqvPCuNsOw] [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pXMU6wuXN0] [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7Nqviw0Knk]

Ask Illogic Vol# 2

Here is the Second installment of “Ask Illogic” This is where you guys ask me anything you ever wanted to know about me or my opinions of topics of any kind. This week I picked some pretty good ones so lets Begin….

How would you define yourself politically speaking? what do you think about Big Boi’s stance on libertarianism and its role in hip hop? [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9Nx7xvg7X8] 

Politically I would consider my self and Independent who leans more Liberal.  I voted for President Obama in the last two elections, Not because I whole hardheartedly believed in everything he stood/stands for but, because I believed he was more trustworthy and qualified then John McCain or Mitt Romney.

My personal stance on government is that it is all corrupt no matter who is in office. I believe that the founding fathers of this country had a great idea of Justice and doing right by the people that in theory works but, in practice could never work unless we become a resource driven world and not a Profit driven world. I agree with Big Boi that we do need to mind our own business and do what we need to do to take care of our own but, without rules and regulation there would be chaos. Without help some people would not have the ability to get back on their feet.

As far as hip hop and politics there has always been a connection. From 1982s “The Message” by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five to Brother Ali and Immortal Technique’s music today, hip hop has always been a vehicle for our voices to express the wrong doing of out political system locally and world wide.

Many of your tracks are philosophical, so I was wondering how deep into philosophy you delve. Any particular philosophers or theories that you especially like?

I studied all kinds of philosophy in college and high school but, I wouldn’t say I’m in it deep at all. I have recently read and continue to study books like the The 48 Laws of Power  and The Art War . Those two in particular have had a profound affect on how I live and make decisions now but, I will say that from living life and my different experiences I have developed my own philosophy about life.The Holy Bible as well as other religious texts like the Koran, the teachings to Taoism, Buddhism etc  has help shaped my life philosophy. Over all I do consider my self a believer and follower of Christ.

       I believe that life is a balancing act of positive and negative energy. Some believe that those energies are representative of Good and Evil. I say the more positive energy that you have in your heart then the more positive energy that will be attracted to your life. It has to be inside you though not just in the acts that you do or the words that you say because those things can be fabricated. The positive energy has to be in your heart to really affect your life and the lives of those around you. If negative energy is in your heart then it is what will affect your life and the lives of those around you. Of course no one is perfect and no one always emits positive energy but the heart never lies.

I know im suppose to give you a concept but i kinda need your help. I have a mixtape to record but this writer’s block is killing.Can you please give me a few ideas on how to break through it please? #fan in need#

Writers block is different for everyone. Some people get stuck and can’t even come up with wack rhymes. Some can only come up with wack rhymes and some just can’t get in to a flow with the topic that they are trying to express. Either way there is only one way to get out of that slump and that is to keep writing. When I have writers block or I am just in a creative slump I might write a poem or just write about my day. No rhyming. No restrictions. I also do writing exercises that at least keep my gears turning. I learned this one in high school, I would write for a set time usually 30-45 min without the pen lifting up off of the paper. The writing doesn’t have to make sense or flow but it is a way of getting out your ideas. As you do this more and more some of these exercises will speak to you in ways that you never imagined. Some of them can turn into staples in your writing career like this writing exercise did for me….

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOjKVhPNCMo]


 My question is: How do you define love? , especially young affection.

I define love as an undying need to do for someone more than you would do for your self. It’s not a want but it is a need. It is a place where your purpose is fulfilled because you see them smile. It is listening when your past tired of listening and I mean actually listening not just hearing words. It is a kiss on the forehead for no reason accept to feel their skin pressed against your lips. Its the simplest yet most complex part of our lives as human beings. It is more then a feeling it is a need. Love is understanding that love isn’t enough.

In many cases young affection is either lust or strong like. In my opinion it can’t be love because the young person has not had enough experience or lived enough life to understand the truth of love. In many cases with youthful love is only a feeling. Its how that person makes you feel all the time. Its all gooey and stuff. Yes, that is what love develops from but, it is not love in its mature state. Love in it’s mature state is unyielding and overflowing but this does not make it everlasting. Mature Love adds to you as a person. It makes you a better person over all and its reciprocation it is what breaths life into us. One sided love can die quickly, but when true mature love is alive and surrounds you and you significant other 360 degrees it can last forever.

Ask Illogic Vol #1

OK, Weekly maybe bi-weekly I am going to be answering questions sent to me by you the fans. Anything you want to know about me and my life mo opinions, etc not just music just ask. I have been wanting to do this for some time now but, time did not lend itself favorable to me. Now I have nothing but time on my hands so I can dedicate my self to writing on the site and fielding some of your most poignant question of me so with out further or due, Here we go….

So, was Lesson in Love inspired by a similar real life event? [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmYn_YZhnwk] [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDiNpGSBgT4]  

For some background Lesson in Love was a song on my Celestial Clockwork album. You can listen to it above….Yes it was real life. Every word of that story is true.  I was dating a Somali girl at the time and that day I caught her cheating. She did everything to try to get me to forgive her and you know I mean everything if you heard the song. After that encounter we still spoke briefly but the relationship was over. The song First Trimester also above is about the same girl.

How do I go about creating some promotional artwork for you?

You can always send work to my email… Unforeseenshadow@gmail.com and I will check it out. I usually use artwork that coincides with the style of what erver I am doing or the campain I am working on at the time but, I am always on the lookout for great tee shirt designs and ways to use art in other ways so send it in and if can use it I will let you know. I will get back to you on what I think of the art either way though.

When is your next album coming out? Yo’ your track Lucky ft blueprint,I can’t find it and its my favorite!

Not sure where you have been but Capture the Sun is my next album. it is produced entirely by blockhead and will be released on Man Bites Dog Records 4/16/13. Below are a few videos from it and the first Episode of a Bio-series we have done for the album…Enjoy
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EEXYuV_Rp0] [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2coizlE0C4w] [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhyueu306mU]

And here is Lucky. It was produced by Blueprint and Featured on his Weight Room album.

Yo ill I’m curious to know what you think of the Canibus/Dizaster battle..what’s your take on the whole thing? 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9KjsBIsr2g]

Well first off, I am a fan of these rap leagues. I enjoy a great battle and Dizaster is one of the best to ever do it. I knew Canibus was in trouble as soon as I heard that it was going down. I expected it to be good but, I did not expect for him to be destroyed the way he was. When he went to the Note pad I couldn’t stop laughing. Canibus has been done for a while but, that killed any attempt for him to be taken seriously ever again. The guys that do this stuff are amazing. it’s a lot of work to write 3-4 rhymes that are 3-4 min long about one person. That is like at least 40-60 bars per verse. That’s a lot of writing and memorizing. I enjoy most the ones like Dizaster that mix it with actual on the spot freestyles. It’s very entertaining.

Well that does it for the first edition of ” Ask Illogic”. If I didn’t get to your question I will. A few of the questions I sent I may do a whole write up on so stay tuned. Again Send your questions to Askillogic@gmail.com.

2 Finger…

Poem Time #13: Life is a trip

There is a page of our book yet to be written
many chapters yet to be formed from consequence
we live in an age of tomorrows but a dream
and today is all there is to hold in arms
Mislead commandos falling on swords all around
no one in place to take a stand and speak
At some point the samuri has to get Tired of bowing
and to think you were once pedistoll placed
How sharp must a tounge be to stike fear in the hearts of men?
It seems these days forked just doesnt do it any more
how far must you go to prove your innocense?
Hopefully its not as far as they have to go to prove your guilt
Cause what lies on the surface of the sun it is singed through forever
and your only Savior is caught between a clock and and a suitcase
remember, Life is a trip.

What your destination?