I know I have been absent from writing for a while and its not because I haven’t had anything to say (or had no site at the time). If you read this post completely you will understand.
My last post was back in February and I asked the question “where are the visionaries?” It wasn’t until a few months later upon rereading that post and going through some personal things, I realized that I wasn’t as much of a visionary as I thought because my life was out of wack. I was too lost in today and not planning for tomorrow. I could only see to the end of my nose and anything beyond that was of no consequence and I had no idea.
I have been working on and releasing a lot of music as of late and in that I was caught up to the point that that’s all that I was doing. I was hit by an epiphany a few days ago, that’s all I have been doing for months maybe even the last year or so. I wasn’t finishing my book. I wasn’t working on my performance. I should have been on the road. I was loosing sight of my children’s behavior and progress (or lack thereof) in school. I was neglecting and taking my wife for granted. Most important of all my spiritual existence was completely an afterthought. My relationship with my creator faded in to the background of me writing and recoding songs. Really Jawhar? (I talk to my self out loud at times) I wasn’t doing any of the things that had got me to the point of my life where I felt like I was happy. I was losing myself in my art and my person was suffering for it. Unfortunately and fortunately it took me a year or so to realize it but, once I did it smacked me in the face with a force that stopped me in my tracks like a dear in headlights.
As I looked at where I was in my life i saw an absolute mess. Figuratively and literally. My studio was a wreck. My career had lost steam since Capture the Sum dropped. My relationship with my children was not where it was supposed to. I was losing my wife. I had blinders on just going through the motions acting like everything was OK. And it wasn’t. It was the farthest thing from it. So I came to the conclusion that my priorities were disheveled so that I didn’t recognize myself once I took the time to actually look. I was utterly lost.
I am of the belief that as the head of this family if my priorities are off then that disrupts the flow and serenity of the entire household. Once I became aware of this it was almost too late, but I believe that this was revealed to me when it was supposed to.
So I say all of that to say this…I have still been writing and recording, but a resent talk with Blueprint has gotten me to be more attentive to and focused on the longevity of my career and most importantly my family’s needs. I am working on rebuilding closeness and intimacy with my wife. I am more active in my children’s lives as far as knowing what they need and above all I am rebuilding my relationship with my creator and that is where it all has to begin. I know that without my spirit being in line and allowed to grow I will continue to be lost. All that we have on this earth is a gift and if you lose sight of the gift giver then you won’t appreciate what you have nor will you have an understanding of how to feed and develop your gift for it to reach its full potential. So I will start to share more as I am on this new exciting journey of growth and maturity. Please get your priorities in order or you will end up losing or getting lost in the very purpose that your think your are working for.