BNTN TOUR JOURNAL 10.3.14 : MINNESOTA MEAN

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I woke up at 5am on October 1st in order the catch a 17 hour bus ride to Minneapolis to meet up with Carnage the Executioner and Pcp to start The Better Now Than Never tour. This tour is a grueling schedule of 25 shows in 25 days that spans the country from California to Indiana. Littered with a few 10 and 12 hour drives not to mention the time and whether changes that we will face. This is probably the most intense tour schedule I ever had, but we doing it because we love the art and we love you, the fans that support us.

The first show was last night (oct 2nd) at The Cabooze. This was my first time playing this venue. (Side note: Minneapolis is music venue heaven for those that have not been there. There are so may dope rooms of multiple shapes and sizes to accommodate any type of audience or act…but I digress…) The Cabooze is a nice size place and we had a descent turn out. Im sure the continuous downpour that blessed us all day yesterday lead some people to stay home even though the skys were clear by doors opening. The people there seemed to be there to see the show. The energy was positive. My friend Krisoff Krane came out so it was great to see him. He has to be one of the nicest people I have ever met in my life. Im glad I can call him a friend.
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All of the openers were young up and coming Emcees in the Minneapolis scene. There were a few really dope young women whose future could be bright as writer’s and rappers. It was fresh to see some of what the next generation will do with our art.

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Pcp hit the stage about 10:40 pm and all I can say is “wow!”. This was my first time seeing him live, in fact I was completely unfamiliar until the tour was booked so I had a little homework to do, but hearing him on record does no justice to what he does live. He is an intense ball of energy with heart open, giving you all of him allowing you to share in his trials and triumphs through the music he presents. It was definitely an experience and I am looking forward to building a relationship with him over these weeks that we will share the stage and van space.

Then it was my turn. I did what I do. Poem time and what not. Tried a few new joints to start out the set from the something in the water ep and I the performance of them went well but I think I did them too early in my set…they kind of gave me a slow start in my opinion, but overall the set was good. I got a lot of positive feedback. I will be doing some revamping and sharpening of the set throughout the tour…never doing the same exact show twice so it will be a treat every night.

Next up was Carnage the Executioner to closeout the evening. For those of you that don’t know Carnage has to be in the pantheon of beat boxers. He has to be one of the best in the world hands down. I don’t say that because he my friend of 12 years, I say it because its true. His set is so engaging with all senses I was too busy watching in amazement to get any pictures. This man builds his beats on the spot with the use of different looping and effects pedals and the spits some of the most dense style drenched rhythms sense project blowers first blessed us. It is truly something to watch.

     Overall, the opening night of the tour showed me that this is going to be something to remember. I am able to be in the space of and share the stage with two awesome artists and people for a month, travel the country seeing and meeting all you while making some dough in the process. I am truly blessed. Tonight Duluth, Mn at The Red Star Lounge. It is a free show. Don’t miss it..

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Get your priorities right…

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     I know I have been absent from writing for a while and its not because I haven’t had anything to say (or had no site at the time). If you read this post completely you will understand.

     My last post was back in February and I asked the question “where are the visionaries?” It wasn’t until a few months later upon rereading that post and going through some personal things,  I realized that I wasn’t as much of a visionary as I thought because my life was out of wack. I was too lost in today and not planning for tomorrow. I could only see to the end of my nose and anything beyond that was of no consequence and I had no idea.

     I have been working on and releasing a lot of music as of late and in that I was caught up to the point that that’s all that I was doing. I was hit by an epiphany a few days ago, that’s all I have been doing for months maybe even the last year or so. I wasn’t finishing my book. I wasn’t working on my performance. I should have been on the road. I was loosing sight of my children’s behavior and progress (or lack thereof) in school.  I was neglecting and taking my wife for granted. Most important of all my spiritual existence was completely an afterthought. My relationship with my creator faded in to the background of me writing and recoding songs. Really Jawhar? (I talk to my self out loud at times) I wasn’t doing any of the things that had got me to the point of my life where I felt like I was happy. I was losing myself in my art and my person was suffering for it. Unfortunately and fortunately it took me a year or so to realize it but, once I did it smacked me in the face with a force that stopped me in my tracks like a dear in headlights.

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     As I looked at where I was in my life i saw an absolute mess. Figuratively and literally. My studio was a wreck. My career had lost steam since Capture the Sum dropped. My relationship with my children was not where it was supposed to. I was losing my wife. I had blinders on just going through the motions acting like everything was OK. And it wasn’t. It was the farthest thing from it. So I came to the conclusion that my priorities were disheveled so that I didn’t recognize myself once I took the time to actually look. I was utterly lost.

     I am of the belief that as the head of this family if my priorities are off then that disrupts the flow and serenity of the entire household. Once I became aware of this it was almost too late, but I believe that this was revealed to me when it was supposed to.

     So I say all of that to say this…I have still been writing and recording, but a resent talk with Blueprint has gotten me to be more attentive to and focused on the longevity of my career and most importantly my family’s needs. I am working on rebuilding closeness and intimacy with my wife. I am more active in my children’s lives as far as knowing what they need and above all I am rebuilding my relationship with my creator and that is where it all has to begin. I know that without my spirit being in line and allowed to grow I will continue to be lost. All that we have on this earth is a gift and if you lose sight of the gift giver then you won’t appreciate what you have nor will you have an understanding of how to feed and develop your gift for it to reach its full potential. So I will start to share more as I am on this new exciting journey of growth and maturity. Please get your priorities in order or you will end up losing or getting lost in the very purpose that your think your are working for.

Where are the visionaries?

looking-up-eyes-faceVast fields and endless forests coated the earths surface hundreds of thousands of years ago. The planet was the home of animals and plant life with humans yet to be created. Then God breathed life into the earth and man was born. In order for man to survive he had to see beyond the horizon. He had to see what was not there. He had to have faith in the work of his hands. He had to be a visionary.

The building of shelter.  The development of weapons and other technology. The carving out of mans place in the world had to be seen before it was done for better or for worse. As man has evolved so then has his capacity for ideas to further the human experience again for better or for worse. Human beings are said to be at the top of the evolutionary ladder and in that we continue to find ways to explore new outlets for our creativity, our survival and unfortunately our destruction. Mans ambition is his greatest asset, but not understanding that there should be limits to that ambition is his greatest downfall. There is always room for progression. One should not place barriers on what they can achieve, but gluttony is a prison that is not easily escaped. Overindulgence and greed is a topic for another post that I will cover in the days to come.

The problem that I see is that the layman is no longer the visionary that he used to be. I am not speaking of anything grandiose like the invention of the aircraft or light bulb, I am speaking of the simplicity of seeing past your current situation. I am talking about man seeing himself better tomorrow than he is today and putting in the work to ensure the achievement of that desired improvement.

Too often we don’t see past where we are. Too often we don’t have the faith to build something to leave our children to be proud of. We all have the capacity to see beyond our own perceived limitations, but in most cases that ability is used either not at all or for trivial things, not things that will cement our legacy even in the minds closest to us.

Just as the Egyptians foresaw the pyramids of Egypt looking over an empty desert;Just as Civil Rights activist saw/see a world of inclusion in a climate of turmoil and conflict; so can you see a tomorrow that is bright and brilliant.

Many people find it hard so see past their currant experience or if they do they have a lot of hope with out any action behind that hope. I urge you to be radical. I urge you to see your self as more than you are today. I urge you to dream and work until that dream is realized. I urge you to know that you current situation is not the end of the line, but a building block to be used to reach new heights. Don’t put limits on yourself. In many cases we as people don’t progress because we are limited in out thinking. We do not see the Forrest for the trees. We only see what is right in front of of us, ignoring the beauty and possibilities of the world around us.

The book of life is full of blank pages. What will your story be? What will you leave as your imprint for those who follow or are you content with being Forgotten? See who you want to be in the minds of those who will come after you and become that. Work to be come that vision of yourself. Leave your children and your children’s children something to be proud of.

The Burden of Trust…Part one

trust 2With a sincere smile plastered across my face and a firm handshake given at first hello strangers are greeted. You can see the care in my eyes when we first cross paths as if we are long lost family members in each others presence for the first time. There is a genuine love for the human experience present when I encounter someone new. A blind trust drips from my speech in a way that some call naive, but I believe at their core all people are decent and that seems to be my down fall. I jump into that belief with both feet without the security of a parachute and no fear of the fall that may occur. I just see all people as good, taking no stock in the bridges I have had to burn in the past. There is something to be said about my undying faith in a human being as they are. I know that we are not perfect. I know that everyone does not have my best interest at heart, but I stand on the unshakeable encouragement that we have a concrete care for one another; that we all want to see each other succeed in life in some way. Even in the eyes of utter disdain I try to find a silver lining. I try my best to see the glass half full to a fault, so much so that I seem to get taken advantage of. My trust in the word of human beings is seen as a weakness, as an open door for exploitation for which I have no one to blame but myself.

I guess it’s because I actually believe in the mantra “treat people how you want to be treated” too much. I want to be seen as credible because I deserve to be; because I actually am. I am a loyal person that loves unconditionally and with my whole heart. I know that there are flaws in human beings because I have many myself, but I don’t interact with people based on the assumption that they are flawed. I don’t look for the short comings of those that come in contact with. I take you how you are and I give you the benefit of the doubt, but to what end? How many times must I watch people cast their honor in to the sea before I start to question the motive of any and everyone? With the amount of broken promises and empty words that I have encountered in my life it is a wonder that I am not more cynical when it comes to my dealings with people. It is amazing that I don’t give everyone the side eye when they say what they can and will do. I’m just not built like that. I am built to forgive and have faith. I am built to hope and dream that a better tomorrow is on the horizon for us all and I will do all that is in my power to help you get there. I have always thought in the terms of “We” not “I” and that is my Achilles heal. That is what has held me back in some respects.

trust1Many of you are aware and many of you are not of the departing of Manifest from Weightless who was on third of the original group greenhouse effect. Manifest was a part of our movement from the beginning. He was a integral part in the building of the brand of Weightless recordings. Over the years from the inception of our label we developed a brotherhood that we believed to be unshakable and uncompromising. To make a long story short, it was discovered that he was stealing from the company. He basically disregarded all that we had worked for to a point that the faith that we had in each other as a unit was tested. This unbridled betrayal created a rift between all of us that has since been repaired between Blueprint and I, but how we deal with people outside of our immediate core has been forever altered. This among other things has shaken my faith.

I am starting to look at the world with open eyes, but a somewhat closed heart and I hate it because it goes against my nature. This is due to there being only so much abuse one can take. There is only so much love you can give without reciprocation. You can only be so true for so long while being stepped on or overlooked. At some point something has to change. At some point the gate has to be closed where only those with the secret password can enter because lately I have had to burn too many bridges. I have had to become something that I have always despised, a skeptic.

I am lucky to have the people around me that I do. My inner circle it one of strength and support. I have a loving Wife and family that nurture my hope in human beings, but confront me with the question of how long? How long will you give credence to those undeserving? How long will you allow your heart to broken by the revelation that people are not all rainbows and cotton balls? The answer is no more. No more will I just take you at your word. I have to guard my hope in people in order to not become a shadow of myself.  I have to put up walls around my love so it is not completely invaded by the tragic misleadings of a society that only values the progression of self. I have discovered that it is one thing to have general faith in random humans, but it another to have faith in them implicitly. I am still a firm believer that at our core we are all good, but in reality our quest for greatness can get in the way of that goodness. Our want and need to progress can be a hindrance to our basic nature of love. I pray that my children are not turned off to love. I hope that my children do not become hardened to the human experience. Desensitization has become a disease in our society that allows us have no emotional attachment to how the choices we make affects others. I know that there is a general positive energy that is strong in the world and I still believe that it can be harnessed and change that fabric of our existence. I want to again be that fully faithful swan diver with no parachute again, but it’s hard when the winds continue the whip and whirl me in the opposite direction.

So what side of the coin are you on?  Are you a person that strengthens the resolve of the village or do you hold a book of matches in hand waiting to set fire to the structure of an open heart? Do you hold the progression of all in high regard or is the advancement of self you primary goal? We can all believe again. We can all rise as one, but we have to put “I” aside sometimes. Not all of the time, but sometimes. “I’ has it’s place but, there cannot always be a search for backs to step on. There has to be a sincere want to one day be the boost that catapults someone else to their goals. I take pride in the surety that there will be a revolution of selflessness, but I realize that there is still a long way to go.

Become a Master of Something…

Bruce-Lee

Mastery

  • n.noun
    1. Possession of consummate skill.
    2. The status of master or ruler; control.
    3. Full command of a subject of study.

My oldest son has an affinity for the study of sports video games. Any time he picks up the play station controller he wants to be the best. He wants to be the ruler of the domain of Madden 25, for example, to the point that whenever he gets a chance he practices. He won’t play actual games, but he works on the practice simulation and when he does play he wants to play against the best players that he can to measure where he is in his ability to manipulate the joy stick to do his bidding so he comes out victorious. He doesn’t always win so when he loses, again I see him practicing, working on his game until he reaches his goal. When it comes to his school as well work there are times when he falls short as all of us do, I see a drive in him to not settle for the mediocre. No matter what he does in life I see that he will not settle until he is at the pinnacle of what he is trying to achieve no matter how long it takes. He wants to be the best. He does this in every aspect of his life I have noticed as treks toward perfection in all that he attempts. His journey has not been and will not always be smooth. I have been there to see the barricades, road blocks and short comings, but he has an unwavering faith in the possibility of his ability to achieve.Knowing this, when I see that he is stifled he brushes himself off and continues on his quest to victory.

I admire him because as adults, we have a tendency to place limits on ourselves that we pass on to our children as an infectious disease. Many times we infect them inadvertently because many of us have the “do as I say and not as I do” way of teaching. We as adults often settle because we feel that we have no other recourse. We feel that our time has passed so continuing to press toward a dream is of no consequence when we have a mortgage to pay or an electric bill due. Of course that is reality, but we cannot lose our drive to become proficient in something or many things in our lives. His drive is feeding me. As his father it is my job to nurture his ongoing internal engine and I cannot achieve this if I am not staving to be a master in my own right.

In order to become a master of anything there has to be a realized passion present. No one can become a virtuoso in a field or practice that they are not passionate about it. You can’t even begin the journey if there isn’t at least an inkling of interest. There must be an overall presence of conviction that seeps from your pours to the point that it is etched into the fabric of who you are. This conviction is not always present in the initial stages of development, but as one drives closer to the goal of mastery a passion can develop. Live in the moment and define it. Allow your presence to saturate all that is around you and allow all that is around you to saturate you because in order to become a master one has to first be a student. There in lies our issue. No one wants to be a student any more. Everyone wants to start out as a Master, but a master that refuses instruction is as a flower that refuses pollen.

Many people walk through life thinking that they are already adept in all that they do, but in reality they haven’t buckled down to really learn anything. I mean really learn. When my son gets a new video game he studies it. He hunkers down in his room and for the time allotted to him to play he studies and practices. He jumps in with both feet. This is what we have to do as people. We have to find what we want to gain expertise in and dive in full bodied. Remove all distraction and learn. Devise a plan that will allow you the place and time to learn and become a master.

Mastery takes patience. One does not gain full comprehension of anything overnight. Albert Einstein said, “Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.” There is a fear that exists in us that is stifling, preventing the giving all of ourselves to something. That fear has to die. Recently, I read a piece by my friend Al Shepard, many of you know him as Blueprint, called Fear Comes in Many Disguises. In it he says,

 Fear is a natural human response (to) unknown outcomes. As we take these situations  into consideration, our minds make sure we have assessed the possible outcomes.  This is human nature and a mostly positive survival instinct.  However, there is a point where fear in our current context is given too much power.  That happens when we begin to fear the possible negative outcomes more than the potential gains.  Even worse, we begin to take on a dialog that hides these fears as something other than what they really are.

This struck a chord with me because fear can be why we don’t make an attempt to become proficient in anything. There is the fear of failure. There is the fear of inadequacy. There is also, weirdly enough, the fear of success. I have suffered and still do suffer from this fear at different points in my life and that fear has held me back from becoming the master that I am supposed to be in certain things, but seeing my son push and practice that game reminds me that the journey is long, tiring and at times repetitive, but as long as the passion is alive in me the voyage is never over.

We live in a microwave society that does not value mastery. In reality, society does not value much at all. Everywhere is a factory the spits out as many robots as possible with minimal skill in the craft that they were constructed for. From reality television to college campuses this world has become an assembly line for the construction of mediocre pods of empty ability and only a yearn to be scene for the succubus’ of the world to feed off of until they are used up. Then there is movement to the next pod. So how long will you allow the world to feed off of you? When will you make the decision to become something bigger that just another human. Being. We are destined for more than that. We just have to make a point to want to be. So this year, take a note out of my son’s book and work to become a master of something. Don’t just be a “jack of all trades.” Don’t just be content in knowing enough to get by. Buckle down and work toward perfecting a passion. Become what you were always meant to become; A master.

 

Journal entry 8/21/13: To catch you up.

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So I know haven’t been posting as regularly as I started but when you have 8 and 12 hour drives between cities every day, homework, and you have to eat writing gets pushed to the back a little. So let me give a small recap of the highlights last week or so.

Oakland California Aug 10
This was an awesome show. Great crowd but greater comradery and time with friends. I got to hang with my homie Davu. Some of u may remember him from the Dove Ink days and his album “the sun do move”. I also got to hang with some old friends Adam Drucker and Jeff Logan or how u may know them as “Them” or dose one and Jel. It was great to reconnect with friends and catch up. Also ephram sponge aka Juan Davis made a surprise visit. It was an all around great night of reconnection. The great crowd was the icing on the cake.

Salt Lake city, Utah Aug 15
Here comes the wild night. Ok first off we find out that Ludacris is playing a show in the park right down the street for FIVE DOLLARS!! I wanted to go to that and so did everyone else in Salt Lake. Can you blame them? So we had to push our show back until after the Luda show or we really would have got killed. (Side note: Shout out to Chase and uprock for always taking care of us when we are in the city) So we push the show back. Its all ages so its a pretty good crowd but we were feeling the Luda affect.

So we rock. Sell merch. Take pics. Shake hands. kiss babies you know…what we do. Then there is a commotion. This guy comes in drunk off his rocker asking for Isaac and “his bitches”. We ignore them and go back to talking. Then all of a sudden security has this dude yoked up a bottle flies In my direction and then it was on. Dude starts swinging on security. Pushes one security guard to the ground. And the a gang of people push him out the door.

We go back to talking and some one runs in and says “they are out here fighting! ” We get out there and apparently the guy that was doing all that taking and yelling got in the wrong person face and was met with a one hitter quitter. After that his friends were trying to get him to leave but he wouldn’t. He kept yelling for “his bitches”. “I’m not leaving with out my bitches.” We had no clue who these “bitches” were we just knew he had to go.

We figured out that the girls that they came with were embarrassed and hiding in side the place.
Then the guy comes back and is still running his mouth. He says “all of u guys are punk bitches. None of your lives will be anything.” (This is a show of ours he paid to get into mind u). Then he says “You”, to the guy who laid him out earlier, “you got a good punch” and proceeds to dap him up. “The rest of ya’ll are punk bitches.” No matter what he was going to feel that punch when he sobered up.

We finally get them to leave and then we meet the girl and her friends. “The bitches” that he was referring to. Apparently one girl was on a date with him trying to get laid and in turn was highly embarrassed. Then she and her friends left with some other guys to get a hotel room. Of course they were all young and stupid.

The next day we wake up to find that the city of Ketchum Idaho, site of our next show, is being evacuated due to Forest fires. So we stayed in Salt lake another day and rocked a surprise show at Chases shop Uprock. Needless to say. Salt lake was indeed the most memorable stop of the tour so far.
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The other shows Bozeman Montana, Great falls Montana were fun and great times.

Minot North, Dakota Aug 19th
Then we come to Minot North Dakota. Great show great crowd. After the show we meet a young girl, 20 who is scared for her life. Trying to avoid a “friend” that she came to the show with. From the information we got from her she was kicked out of her parents house for worshiping the devil, which she denied, doing porn, which she also denied, and refusing to go to rehab for using and selling weed. She calls this guy and she stays with him thinking he’s cool. Then she gets driven to an empty field and is threatened. At the show she feels her life is in danger so our friend Kipp G saves her giving the option to stay at his friend house cause she is stranded and has no where to go. Then the next day still with no where to go she hops in the car with kipp and rolls to Fargo which is 5 hours away to stay with an aunt only to find that the aunt is on vacation in San Francisco. So slightly annoyed with her kipp feeds her and drops her off at the mall and wishes her well.

The moral of this post is that its okay to be young and have fun but know when your in over your head. You have to know when life is giving you signs that you are not as grown as you think you are. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and ask for help. I know this was long but there was a lot to catch you guys up on. Sioux falls South Dakota tonight. Only a little under two weeks left.  Say word!

Journal entry 8/7/13: Poem- Empty Streets

Empty streets are full of nobody’sempty street
Looking for somebody to hold
Variations of lonely are a great flood
Engulfing souls for 40 days and nights
The lights flash but tomorrow never dies

Lies are neighbors knocking on doors to borrow cups of sugar
The bigger the barrier the more challenging the climb
The more lessons learned on the way
Keep me in your prayers
Kneeling
hands folded
Eyes closed
Cause I’ve never seen a unicorn dance with such grace and I’m afraid its all a dream
As The lights flash
But Tomorrow never dies

Carry me far away from these reflections of the empty
Nothingness wrapped in rainbows
You want to be all you can in theory
but u keep running from yourself
And there in lies the crime
Passion is a high wire walk with no fear
While the lights flash only guaranteeing that tomorrow never dies

I’m here for a reason
To hold your hand and let u know its going to be ok
To let you know that your tomorrow is bright and brilliant
To show you that there is no comfort in success.
To show you that there is hope in the pain that you endure for the night because joy rides bareback on the morning light.

Embrace the life of the Flashing light in tomorrow

 

Make sure to Catch us in your city…Remaining tour dates below…

Weds Aug 7th – San Diego, CA @ Soda Bar | https://www.facebook.com/events/240274046097961/

Thur. Aug 8th – Flagstaff, AZ @ Green Room | http://on.fb.me/15HgD3k

Fri. Aug 9th-  Los Angeles, CA @ The Airliner | http://on.fb.me/16AsWkb

Sat. Aug 10th – Oakland,CA @ The Legionnaire Saloon | http://on.fb.me/1cobaC4

Mon. Aug 12th – Boise, ID @ The Shredder | http://on.fb.me/1aOWSwm 

Tue. Aug 13th – Spokane,WA @ Carr’s Corner | http://on.fb.me/10WJcgY

Wed. Aug 14th – Missoula, MT @ Stage 112 | http://on.fb.me/15HgSeE

Thur. Aug 15th – Salt Lake City, UT @ The Project | http://on.fb.me/10m6sSW

Fri. Aug 16th Ketchum,ID @ Whiskey Jacques | http://on.fb.me/14uzjDO

Sat. Aug 17th – Bozeman,MT @ Zebra Cocktail Lounge | http://on.fb.me/11OupQz

Sun. Aug 18th – Great Falls, MT @ Machinery Row | http://on.fb.me/1aOX9zj

Tues. Aug 20th – Fargo, ND @ The Aquarium |  http://on.fb.me/12DT0Xb

Wed. Aug 21st – Sioux Falls, SD @ Billy Frogs | http://on.fb.me/121rZNl

Thur. Aug 22nd – Duluth,MN @ Red Star | http://on.fb.me/10m6CK5

Fri. Aug 23rd – Green Bay,WI @ JD’s Bar | http://on.fb.me/19vs4T1

Sat. Aug 24th – Minneapolis,MN @ Pour House | http://on.fb.me/10WJCUo

Mon Aug 26th – Grand Rapids, MI @ Pyramid Scheme | http://on.fb.me/1aOXhyV

Weds. Aug 28th – Boston, MA @ Middle East Upstairs

Friday Aug 30th – Pittsburgh, PA @ Thunderbird Cafe

Sat. Aug 31st – Buffalo,NY @ Duke’s Bohemian Grove Bar | http://on.fb.me/10m6L03

Sun Sept 1st – Erie, PA @ Crooked I

Journal Entry 8/3/13: Be who you are. Envy no one.

be-yourself     We live in a world inundated with images of who we are supposed to be. Who we are supposed to idolize. Who we are supposed to model ourselves after. we are told, Buy this brand of shoe because the cool people buy them. Wear this brand of shirt because Jay-Z said it in a song. You should be this skinny because all of the beautiful people are skinny and you want to be beautiful right? Listen to this music because it sounds like everything else and and you don’t have to think to do it. Who cares about original anymore? Original does not have “SWAG” in the eyes of society though ironically swag is really about originality.

We as a society allow those in control to put us in a box. We willfully march single file in perfect syncopation and sip the kool aid. We sit and the box waiting for some one else to tell us who we are. We wait for someone else to tell us what cool is. Whats the new trends. It is so easy to get caught up in the societal ideal of a human being because its in our nature to want to be accepted by our peers. It’s part of Maslovs hierarchy of needs. But it was also in our nature to be innovative and want to do new things. Its in us to discover new ways of live and in that we find ourselves and our purpose.

I posted on twitter and Facebook the other day that “God give everyone gifts. everyone’s gift is not rapping….Find your gift and rep it…”. I got a  responses on my Facebook saying things like “anyone can do anything they put their mind too” and I agree. I agree that we are capable of learning and doing almost anything, but does that mean that we will be the best at anything we do? I believe that we all have purpose and things flow naturally when you are in the process of Capture the Sun, the process of fulfilling that purpose. You can do anything but will (insert deity/belief system here) breath on what you are doing if that’s not where you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to be doing? People are so quick to jump on the bandwagon of what they want to do just because “they can put their mind to it” as opposed to really looking at and finding what they are supposed to do. Your mind could be better used in the avenue it is supposed to be used in. This way it will blossom to its full capacity.

Be proud of who you are. Be invested in who you are. Really take time to find yourself and develop yourself to a point that no one can mistake you for being something that your not. Live your destiny, don’t live the shadows of someone elses. I talk a lot about legacy in my life and in my music because I want to leave a mark. I want people to know that Jawhar was here, I can’t do that by being someone I’m not because I will not be remembered. I’m going for the branding of souls type legacy. I teach my children that there is no other you on this planet, in this galaxy, in this universe. Work everyday to be the best you you can be. Work everyday to be a better you than you were the day before. Find you own voice and stop just being an echo. Echos fade in the distance but an individual voice will live infinitely.

“Be who you are and envy no one. Just reach for the stars and capture the sun”

Journal Entry 7/30/13: The Road. The Sacrifice.

IMAG0020Don’t get me wrong, I love being out here traveling the country rocking the stage for the fans and getting to meet them, putting some faces with names. Getting paid to do something I love is an absolute plus. Even getting a little time to my self away from the everyday pressures of life even for a moment is cathartic in a sense, But the road can be a lonely place. I love the time that I get to bond with my brothers out here facing and overcoming adversity and/or having those special moments where we have the perfect night. The sound is perfect. The openers or dope. A healthy crowd is there to have fun with us. Merch is moving from the table and we kill our sets.There is nothing like that feeling when your out on the road.

But for me as a family man there is a lot that I sacrifice to be out here. For me it is a catch 22. On one hand being on the road is something that I have missed for the past few years that I haven’t been out. This is the best job in the world and I wouldn’t want to trade it for any other job. I feel like I am out here fulfilling purpose. I have always thought that this is what I am called to do and to be out here doing it, planting seeds with the gift that God has given me is an amazing feeling.

On the other hand I miss my family. All of the little things that annoy me when I am 20130406_172630home I miss. How Ironic. I miss my children waking me at 8 in the morning asking to play video games. I miss hearing them bicker over nothing just as brothers do. I miss there individualness shining through them with a blinding hue…I miss my boys immensely.

I miss my wife terribly. I miss here morning attitude cause she hates mornings, especially if she has to go to work. I miss her smile. I miss seeing here talk to me. I miss here touch. I miss her little quirks that annoy me, most of which I can’t mention with out suffering her wrath when I get home. I miss her warmth. I just miss her.

Many fans don’t know and maybe some do, but as artist, especially those with families sacrifice much to be out here with you. Some of us have families that we leave to come and spend time with you because we love you as well. We appreciate you loving us and supporting us and what we love, so our way of showing it is to continue to put out music that we hope you will love and come and see you a few times a year. In that we leave 20130726_234247much of what makes up the artist that you support behind. Without our families we would not be the people that we are. Without or families some of us would not have the drive to be the very best at what we do and we leave all of the love and all of the comfort of our domestic family to be with our musical family. Though there is love and admiration out here on the road it is not the same. Many of my friends that are artist have children and wife’s that they leave to come and play for you and take pictures with you love it. But never discount the sacrifice that that person is making to take that picture and perform your favorite song. In 2004 I missed the birth of my youngest son. I was on the road and he was about a month old the first time I saw him. This is what prompted my 5 year hiatus and had me close to retiring, but I am an artist. I can not walk away from purpose like that. I am learning to balance the passion for my family with the passion of my music. It is a constant struggle but to see the looks on the fans when we have a show in their city or seeing the look on my wife’s and children’s faces when I finally come home makes it all worth it.