Shrouded in a sea of darkness. Clothed in absolute incompletion. Your reflection reveals disgust. Swimming in an abyss of “I am nothing” or “no one cares”. Failure seems the only option. Tomorrow is the worst thought one can muster. Fully immersed in doubt. Happiness is a mirage in a desert of pain, unattainable for unknown reasons. You smile in an attempt to hide the gloom you wake to every morning. This is depression.
Here is an excerpt from an email I received a few weeks ago: “I relate to your ideas and outlooks too well from time to time and I suppose my question for you is how do I handle this depression? I’ve felt miserable for as long as i could compose the thought of genuine unhappiness. I don’t talk to anyone….I guess this isn’t really a question I’m just seeking advice…”
So how do we deal with these feelings that have been embedded in us for as long as we can remember? I speak from experience when I say that the escape from depressions grasp is a choice and it is a choice that only you can make. Once the choice is made it has to be reaffirmed daily. Many of us can fall on our past as a cushioned excuse to remain in that state of ever evolving reasons to fail and to not be good enough but, at some point you have to say “ENOUGH!!!”. Personally I have the prime background for a life of depression. I was raised with no relationship with my natural father and when there was an attempt at a relationship I was continuously rejected, teased by classmates growing up to no end, inappropriately touched by a family friend when I was about ten, etc. The List can go on and on…I have felt that there was no place for me on this earth and that no on would miss me if I was gone. I felt that God has just forgotten about me. I was drowning until one night I was in College walking home from a friend’s house in the rain ready to take my own life. Something told me to stop and look at my reflection in a large rain puddle at my feet. I must have stared at my self for about an hour balling. It was like the rain drops were equivalent to my tears. And then I believe God spoke to me and asked my why I felt like I was nothing when he made me so Special and this was my response….
P.s. Here are a few other songs I wrote dealing with the Subject of depression and choices….